I always anticipated I would have a bunch of mom friends once I had my own kids.
I garnered this expectation from the experience that my parents had. They always had friends with kids close in age to us, and we all grew up together.
We would often spend our holidays together. We would have a fun Halloween party with DIY costumes or at Easter we would head over to the friends’ house to enjoy brunch after church.
Now that I have my own children, I’m struggling to find that “tribe” of mom friends everyone talks about.
I had envisioned having a group of moms where I would be able to let go the stresses of the mom life. A group who would understand the struggles and triumphs that come along with motherhood.
But it is harder than I thought it would be to find friends as an adult.
Trying to find that Tribe
My husband and I have been struggling with find those friends we can get to know regularly. We start talking with people and invite them to do things, but then never get a response.
Is this because our generation is used to “liking” or hitting the “interested” button, but then end up losing interest or simply forgetting about the invitation?
It can be discouraging to see the thought bubbles that pop up after sending the text for an invite to someone, then it stops and nothing pops up. Or the Facebook message that shows it was read with no reply back.
You begin to question yourself. Did I say something or do something wrong? Is it something with our kids, our dogs, or even our job that offends someone?
All of a sudden you feel like you’re back in high school trying to fit into the “popular crowd.”
And social media can trigger these insecurities, seeing other moms posting pictures of girls nights out and sharing they just have the “most amazing friends.”
Making an Effort
I try to reach out and connect with other moms. To make them feel welcome to come over to my place for coffee or a kid-friendly happy hour. But my efforts have been largely unsuccessful.
My husband is at the point of giving up and never inviting anyone again. But I am trying to stay positive. I am hopeful we will find a family we connect with.
I even tried the Peanut App. But I left the app soon after I logged on. I felt strange studying a mom on their profile picture like a “Mom” Tinder app. I much prefer the natural ways of getting to know someone.
Is that where we have come to as moms, that we need to go to a “Mom Dating App” to find friends that are nearby?
What happened to the meeting someone at the park and striking up a conversation, or just getting to know your neighbors?
Looking through the sea of mom groups on social media, every other post is, “I’m new to the area and looking for someone to cnnect with….” and then the details about their kids. Over 12+ comments later, does anyone truly follow through with the “PM’d you” messages to help a new mom out?
I know I try to, but it’s a two-way street. And I’m often alone on that street.
Make It Happen
So, take action moms. Strike up a conversation with a fellow mom, or meet up with someone when they invite you over. It may take awhile for someone to respond, or genuinely be interested in getting together, but I’m keeping up hope we’ll find some friends soon enough.
Motherhood isn’t easy, but I know it’s more fun when you have a great group of moms in your corner. So, I’ll keep trying.