Dos and Don’ts from a First Time Mom, One Year Later

My firstborn recently turned one and it left me feeling equally excited and sad at the same time. I am so proud of our little squish and it really has been a whirlwind as these months have flown by.

As I was preparing for the big celebration, printing off monthly milestone photos, it got me thinking back to the days of early motherhood.

New to Motherhood

Becoming a mother wasn’t the simple transition I had expected. Yes, I knew I would be exhausted, emotional, and frustrated at times. But I’d been around kids my entire life, my husband and I did all the classes, bought all the things, and thought we were as prepared as possible.

Spoiler alert — all of that didn’t matter!

And while bringing our sweet daughter into the world was the best thing to happen to me, it also lead to a few of the most challenging months of my life thus far.

But I got through it, and I wouldn’t change anything I did.

Here are some tips I have for first time moms based on what I learned in my first year of motherhood.

First Time Mom Dos and Don’ts

DO take the advice from friends, family and strangers with a grain of salt.

The beautiful thing about motherhood is you get to decide what works best for you and your baby. What worked for Aunt Sally 30 years ago may not work for you, and that’s 100% okay. Respect their point of view and move on.

DON’T compare your baby to others.

With all the milestones, whether it be rolling, sitting up, or sleeping through the night, your baby will get there when they are ready. If you’re concerned, reach out to your primary care provider, but otherwise let your baby do their thing!

DON’T stress about sleeping when the baby sleeps.

If I had $20 for every time someone told me to sleep while the baby sleeps, I’d have an impressive college fund for my daughter.

Baby sleep is all over the place and it’s not always possible to sleep when they are. Instead, relax when the baby sleeps. Shower, read a book, watch TV, scroll through Instagram, go for a walk or simply sit in silence. Leave the chores alone (unless that’s relaxing to you) and enjoy some time to yourself.

DO talk to someone.

Motherhood is beautiful, but it can be extremely lonely at times. Whether it’s your partner, friend, mom or a therapist, find someone you are comfortable sharing your feelings with. Holding in feelings and emotions, no matter how scary they may feel at the time, isn’t healthy for you or your baby. 

DON’T get discouraged.

There will be days you’ll feel like an absolute failure. And then one day you’ll figure out an obstacle that has been consuming your mind for weeks, only to confront a new obstacle days or weeks later. Be patient with yourself and you’re baby — you make a great team and are both learning as you go.

DO take time for yourself away from your baby.

While it’s extremely difficult to leave your baby and you’ll probably cry or feel an enormous amount of guilt, making time for you is necessary! Whether it’s date night with your partner, shopping with friends, or a massage, you deserve some time away and will come back feeling refreshed.

DON’T think you have to do it all alone.

It’s okay to ask for help and guess what, most people want to help. If someone offers to cook you dinner, say yes. If they want to fold your laundry, heck yes. And if they want to watch baby so you can get out of the house for a bit, yes! Don’t be afraid to be specific when asking for help so you get exactly what you need.

I hope this list of first time mom dos and don’ts helps you in your motherhood journey.

Above all, always remember you’re doing a great job and your baby is so lucky to have you as his/her mama! 

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Hannah Kogler
Hannah lives in Fargo with her husband, Tyler, and their daughter, Harper (October 2020). She was raised in East Grand Forks and spent most of her time growing up playing soccer, figure skating, and babysitting her cousins. She attended NDSU (Go Bison!) and earned her degree in Management Communication with a minor in Public Relations. After graduation, Hannah met her husband when he graciously offered to help her sweaty-self move a couch into her apartment. The rest was history! Hannah is fortunate to work at BIO Girls, an organization with an important mission of increasing self-esteem in adolescent girls. When she’s not hanging out at home with Tyler and Harper, she enjoys reading, working out, golfing and spending way too much time shopping. She’ll never turn down a margarita, fried pickles or a competitive card game with her large extended family.

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