If you have a child like mine who is hesitant about everything new, fall (and the changes it brings) can be one of the most stressful times of the year. When you have a cryer, you know these shifts will be difficult.
It’s hard.
Whether it the first day of school or the beginning of a new activity, you know your child will cry and cling to you.
You spend weeks preparing your child for the change to help ease the burden (not only for your child, but also for yourself). Search Google for ideas and tricks, trying them one by one. You know day one will be a challenge, and let’s face it — it’s mentally and physically exhausting.
You are not alone.
Let me say this again because we all need to hear it: you are not alone. Even in those moments you feel the eyes of every of parent around you staring, and maybe even judging, you are not alone.
It’s not uncommon for our daughter (who has been in multiple activities for years) to have a difficult time transitioning to something new. For example, it could be a new activity or even a substitute teacher in an ongoing activity, each of these moments of change is hard for her.
The uncertainly of something new amplifies the child’s feelings of being scared, oftentimes resulting in tears. Then once my daughter finally becomes comfortable with a teacher, the unfamiliarity of a substitute puts her right back to square one.
As we prepared for Kindergarten, we made sure to paint the picture of school as well as we could. We talked about it often and shared what to expect. We even met with the teacher multiple times in advance.
The difficulty ahead was no surprise due to past experiences, I just didn’t realize how challenging it would actually be.
We need help.
The emotional and physical stress of trying to help our child cope with change is hard on us as moms. Obviously when our children have strong emotions, we feel it.
I was that mom sitting outside of gymnastics class trying to get my daughter to go to class. After 20 minutes of her tears, my tears started.
This was week four. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and ready to give up. I couldn’t do it again.
Not one parent sitting in the waiting room reached out or acknowledged our struggle.
The emotional stress was weighing on me as I was dreading day one of Kindergarten. Anxiety and sleepless nights were becoming common. And I didn’t realize the stress of starting school was affecting me so much. During the first week of school my body forced me to take notice when I got sick.
My daughter’s struggles were weighing on me and I had to switch focus and take care of myself.
Take care of yourself.
We can continue to help ease the burden by being prepared for what’s to come. Knowing your child will have a difficult start, start taking care of yourself mentally and physically in the weeks leading up to day one. Recognize we can’t give and support our children if we are running on empty.
Keep checking Pinterest and Google for new ideas. My boss shared the idea of Ready Confetti and it helped greatly. Although it might not have resolved our issues, there were a few moments of relief for my daughter.
Many people respond, “It’s just the first class.”
But those of us with a cryer know, it’s not just the first class.
It’s going to be a long road, maybe taking weeks or months to adjust. Hang in there mom, at some point it has to get better, doesn’t it?
Let’s help each other.
Let’s remind ourselves that we are not alone. There are others who experience this as well. Instead of drawing inward, let’s remind ourselves there is a community of moms who go through similar challenges.
Ways to Help Other Moms
- Next time you see a parent struggling with a child who is crying and having a hard time when starting a new class, provide a word of encouragement. And if you’ve been there before, share it.
- Once the child goes to class, ask the parent how they are doing. A simple connection among moms can make us each feel better. It can help ease the weight of the moment.
- At the next class, encourage your child to make friends with someone who may be struggling. Peer to peer encouragement can make a big impact.
We made it through the first week of school with struggles each day.
Is she comfortable and is everything resolved? No.
Some days are hard while other days we see progress. We’re keeping our focus on the future and the moments of progress, that’s all we can do, isn’t it?
We’re a community of moms who can support each other, let’s start recognizing those moms struggling with our scared children.
And for the moms who have experienced this, share your ideas of what you implemented with your child so that we can try them!
