When you have a lot of kids, like I do, people say things to you.
Sometimes they say things out of shock. Sometimes they say things because they are excited, upset, or disgusted. Sometimes they say things because they are just in awe.
They say things like, “You must be a saint.”… which I’m not;
“You’ve got your hands full!”… which all moms do;
and, “I couldn’t do it.” …. which you would if you found yourself in the same shoes.
But sometimes, they do more than say things. They open up and show me their raw emotions. They tell me about their journey, their story, and about why they have as many children as they do.
We want to relate to one another. It’s natural and it’s out of a real need to find connection.
Everyone has a story
I’ve learned that just like in motherhood, unexpected things happen. Lots of moms are in situations they didn’t intend to be in at all. Their idea of the mom they were going to be isn’t how it came together at all.
Oddly, it’s easy to jump right to the mindset that the person you see has just as many kids as she planned; that her life is as she intended. It’s easy to take the first glance and form a quick assessment of another mom and not take the time to get to know them. Sometimes, when you take that time, you find out more about that mother.
The young mother to one who may be a mother to many in just a few years.
The mother who thought she was having her fourth is now with five, because her final pregnancy delivered twins.
The mother who altered her plans, so she could devote more attention to her child with special needs.
The mother who wanted more but stopped due to cancer or other illness.
The mother who longed for a large family but suffered multiple miscarriages.
The mother who didn’t have anymore kids because her spouse was done.
The mother pregnant with with another baby, just to meet her spouse’s dream.
The mother of who wanted more but found herself divorced or widowed instead.
The mother who only wanted a few children, but is now the mother of many in a blended family.
The mother who didn’t want to be a mother, yet.
The mother who wanted her kids close together, but struggled with infertility.
The mother with kids close in age due to a surprise pregnancy.
The mother who is afraid to have more because of their heavy, financial condition.
The mother who wanted more but had too many c-sections and it isn’t safe.
The mother who expected four children, but three ended up being enough.
The mother who tried for another, hoping for a son.
The mother of two who longs for their heavenly third child to be among us.
The mother who has suffered a lot of pain during pregnancies just to have children.
The mother who paid the expense for multiple rounds of fertility treatment until they finally got pregnant.
The mother with just as many children as intended and everything is according to plan.
The mother who adopted.
The mother who couldn’t have her own children, but became a step-mother via marriage.
The woman who isn’t fertile, but suddenly finds herself pregnant.
The woman still waiting to become a mother.
Open Your Heart
I’ve had the honor of hearing personal story after story about how they’ve ended up in the mothering situation they are in. They are always deeply personal, and there is so much the eye cannot see.
Let’s connect and love each other right where we’re at, because first impressions do not show the journey we’ve had or the character within. It doesn’t allow us to encourage, bond, laugh, rejoice, learn, and support each other.
Simply close your eyes and open your heart, and see that mother right where she’s at.
