What I Want My Daughter to Know
As a mom, there are certain things I want my daughter to understand.
I want my daughter to know —
It’s okay to like girly things and not be afraid of being called “high-maintenance.”
It’s okay to move against the grain of what’s expected.
It’s okay to like sports and be good at them, and expect to not be called unfeminine or a tomboy as if it were an insult.
It’s okay to hate sports, and expect to not be called princess or prissy as if that is a bad thing.
It’s okay to like to get your nails and eyelashes done and love to get dirty.
It’s okay to be a size 0, or a size 18.
It’s okay to like to work out.
It’s okay to hate exercise.
It’s okay to love food, especially dessert.
It’s okay to eat chips and drink beer.
It’s okay to not drink alcohol.
It’s okay to not date.
It’s okay to date a lot.
It’s okay to be introverted and keep to yourself.
It’s okay to be loud and take up space.
It’s okay to love books, science, math, and music.
It’s okay to love fashion, clothing, and celebrities.
It’s okay to be single for a long time or forever.
It’s okay to want a family and a husband.
It’s okay to want a family, but no husband.
It’s okay to want a husband, but no family.
It’s okay to dress in nothing but sweats.
It’s okay to dress up in form-fitting outfits.
It’s okay to wear heels.
It’s okay to love tennis shoes.
It’s okay to wear all of the jewelry.
It’s okay to not wear all of the jewelry.
It’s okay to speak your mind, especially when it matters.
It’s okay to stand up for yourself, especially when no one else will.
It’s okay to own who you are in every stage of life.
It’s okay to defend yourself.
It’s okay to not take crap.
It’s okay to walk away from something that isn’t working, whether it’s friendships, relationships, or work.
It’s okay to know what you want early in life.
It’s okay to be lost for a little bit.
It’s okay to be yourself.
Also, I want my daughter to know that even though society sends us mixed messages on what it expects and demands of us, that it’s truly okay to be who she is.
And it’s okay for her to not be anything I suggest for her. My daughter hates the thought of working out in a gym and lifting weights. It’s not her jam and she has clearly communicated it to me. She thinks it’s purely something that’s right for me. And she’s right, it’s something I find a lot of joy in and fills my cup.
Right now that is what dance is for her life. It fills her cup and brings her joy. And I love that for her, knowing when something isn’t right and when something is right for her.
I want her to look in the mirror every day and know that she is beautiful, fully made up with makeup, with contour or without. It doesn’t matter why you decide to wear makeup or not, if it makes you feel more like you, then go for it. Also, I want to make sure she knows that everything she does with and for her body, is to elevate how she feels in it, not to diminish or hide.
Lastly and most importantly, I want her to live her life for her.
Not to meet the expectations or approval of others, but because it makes her happy.
I know that her choices will not always be the ones that I would make, but we are also not the same person. Her experiences are unique and her decisions will reflect that.
Already as a teenager she is very much becoming her own person. She takes my opinions in stride and continues to march to the beat of her own drum. Which is both frustrating as a parent but also fills me with happiness to witness as she discovers who she is.
For more on parenting teens, see Tips for One-On-One Time with Older Kids.
