Right after the New Year, I started seeing signs for it everywhere.
I tried to avert my eyes when driving by, but it was impossible. The neon letters were screaming to me: KINDERGARTEN REGISTRATION.
I felt personally victimized by the billboards this year, because I am sending my first child to kindergarten in the fall. And I’m not ready.
Like all moms at this stage, I am feeling all the feelings.
Thoughts on Sending My First Child to Kindergarten
I’m in denial.
I remember like it was yesterday how little she looked in her car seat for the first time, and how she needed me for every little thing. I felt like I would never get a good night’s sleep or a moment to myself again.
Everyone told me, “It goes so fast.” And it does, it’s just hard to believe when you’re in the thick of it.
But all of a sudden, five years later, here we are.
She’s becoming more independent every day, but when she falls asleep I can still vividly see her baby face.
And now I’m second guessing everything — could I have soaked it all in more? Could I have held her more? Should we have done more activities together? Did I spend too much time distracted on my phone?
Why did I wish it all away when I’d give anything to go back for one more day with her as a baby?
I’m scared.
At this moment, this is my overriding emotion. I’m afraid of the unknown.
How is my child going to be able to walk into school and find her classroom without me? Who will she sit by at lunch? Do most kids eat hot lunch, or am I going to have to start scouring Pinterest for cute lunchbox inspiration? What if she doesn’t get any attention from her teacher?
Also, not to get too dark, but I’m afraid of the number one thing all parents worry about — is my child physically going to be safe at school?
I’m excited for her.
Since my daughter started preschool, I’ve seen her flourish. She can read sight words, she can count, she can do basic math. I’m amazed by how fast she picks up on something new. She’s gone from a shy toddler to a confident little girl. I’m proud of her when she makes a new friend.
I know that school will give her so many opportunities. And I’m excited for her to be challenged academically and learn new things. I’m excited for her to go to gym class, music class, and be able to check out books at the library. I’m excited for her to meet kids from all different walks of life, and to make new friends.
I know change can be a good thing, and I can’t keep her home with me forever.
Honestly, it’s a blessing that I have a healthy child meeting all her developmental milestones. I’m sure so many moms would take my situation in a heartbeat.
And I don’t have any advice for other mamas going through the same things — just know you’re not alone. I am right there with you feeling how bittersweet these milestones are.
When the first day of school comes, I’ll be right there with you, ready to share a box of tissues.
