I’m Not Part of the In Crowd of Moms

I am a young mother with little kids and I’m not part of what feels like the in crowd of moms. Everything I see is from the outside of mom groups.

The In Crowd of Moms

I see everyone hanging out, letting their kids play together. Either in playdates or just on our neighborhood street.

And I know that my children might be on the outside of friend groups as well.

When we’re playing outside and other kids come out to play (who are a few years older) my kids immediately want to play with them. We practice asking the, “May we come over and play?” question. But sometimes that doesn’t get heard as the kids are running around and the moms are standing talking amongst themselves.

And it breaks my heart. But as a mother, I try not to show my disappointment as I explain to my kids that they don’t want to play with them right now.

When we walk over to where the kids are at, it feels we are intruding on a secret meeting. And the “password” is to have the kids run through the group to all the toys or games that the kids are playing with.

But then when we are included, I worry that they’re only being polite and don’t necessarily want us to be there.

Why I Don’t Fit In

I have thought about some reasons I’m not part of the in crowd of moms.

I am barely in my early 30’s and still trying to experience life, finding myself, learning to be the mother to my children, and still need to find my mom tribe.

Honestly, I feel like I’m still growing up myself.

And I find myself pushing through crowds of moms and asking, “May I come over and join you?”

Some look at me with a sense of “stranger danger” — like, who is this person? What does she want with us?

Then when I am in the group of moms, I find myself struggling for topics of conversation.

Different Ages & Stages

In our neighborhood the kids are a year or two older than mine. They’re involved with school activities, sports, and just doing different things that my kids aren’t old enough to do yet. And I end up watching my own kids more. Because being younger they’re always trying to follow the older kids and still learning boundaries.

And I don’t like comparisons.

I don’t like following or even learning about the Wonder Weeks because that places a child on a path of being measured by someone else’s progression versus letting nature do what it wants to.

It can be hard to find commonalities.

We don’t have a lake house or spot that we go to every weekend.

And my kids aren’t involved in programs and activities yet. We just don’t have time. I’m out the door with the kids at 7:00 a.m. then rolling into the driveway to get our evening started at 6:00 p.m. Then we eat dinner at 6:30 p.m. in order to get the kids down for a “decent” bedtime.

But I try to remind myself (more often than I’d like to admit) that, “It’s only temporary and things will change.” But how many times could I say this to myself and feel like I can listen to my own lie because I know it’s not true?

And it’s hard to be turned down.

It’s tough to constantly invite people to come over for either a BBQ, happy hour, or just to visit and to be rejected time and time again. The more times you get turned down, you question everything.

Sometimes you just want a mom friend. Someone to vent to after the kids refused to go to bed, or just made the biggest mess you’ve ever seen.

If you feel left out of the “in crowd” of moms, don’t worry, you’re not alone.

We young moms are there too, waiting for our chance to get out there. To be part of the “in” crowd of moms and everything that’s going on. It’s just taking some time to get there; be patient, and take a breath.