When brainstorming words to recap my first year as a single parent I kept coming back to a very simple word — wild.
Being a parent in general is wild, because kids are wild, this world around us is wild, managing multiple roles is wild, and pretending like we know what we’re doing is, well, wild.
I became a single mom when my kiddo was 18 months old, something I never imagined and a role I had to quickly adjust to.
My marriage ended just six months after moving to a new town. I had just started a different career after leaving one I loved. I remember crying for hours, trying to figure out what this next chapter would look like.
The unknowns were overwhelming, but I knew my son and I would figure it out together, some way, somehow.
Here’s what I experienced as a newly single mom.
What I Learned My First Year as a Single Parent
I learned to ask for help.
Vulnerability is not a strength of mine. In recent years I have become more comfortable with asking for help (thank you therapy).
I knew the moment we were moving again that I would need help in many ways. And the support we received was truly priceless.
I remember feeling levels of loneliness I didn’t know existed, while also feeling overwhelmed by the amount of people offering to help.
My son and I would not be where we are today without all the people in our lives.
My advice to any parent (especially the one doing it alone) would be to build your crew. Celebrate your crew. Cherish each and every one of them.
Look to make connections, join that Facebook group, start going to the gym, sign up for the book club, join the volunteer group. Each of these communities are so much more than the activity being completed. These are great first steps to building (and expanding) your crew. They can be the foundation of stability in an ever-changing world.
I learned I am capable.
I discovered how much a person is capable of when the only option is to move forward and be brave, with the assurance that happiness and peace would be restored.
My son deserves a stable home and a happy mom. And I was not going to let anything stand in the way of that.
At the time my next career step was unknown, where we would live was up in the air, but I knew we could find a new “normal.”
The next days, months, and years were filled with countless questions. I was not going to let the unknowns hold us back from creating a wonderful life.
In just a year our lives have blossomed so much and I’m so happy and grateful to be where we are.
If fear is what is holding you back, take time to make a list of all the strengths you have and what kind of life you want.
Create an action plan of what, how, and when you will accomplish these goals. Make a list of all the reasons you are unstoppable. For me, being a mom is typically at the top of the list.
I learned to focus on the positive.
The final takeaway is the importance of enjoying the fun times with these tiny humans.
I have always been a person who focuses on the positive. And this past year has truly taught me the necessity of this.
The spring of 2022 was filled with so many changes. I was navigating the divorce process, buying a different home, renovating the new home, leaving a home, changing careers, and moving towns.
All the decisions often left me feeling completely exhausted and overwhelmed. Simple questions like, “What do you want for lunch?” would send me into tears, because I was so overwhelmed with the never-ending list of questions.
My main motivation through it all was my son’s smile.
This sounds so cliché but truly it reminded me things would be okay, if not today then one day. We would go for a walk, attend gymnastics class, or just read stories. In those moments I felt in control. They were the calm in the constant chaos of life.
Life has calmed down significantly over the past year, but I still find myself cherishing each little moment.
Reading the same book for the 50th time (and still acting surprise when the very hungry caterpillar does indeed eat all the treats in one week).
Walking home from the park and taking the time to admire a random tree we have passed countless times.
Taking an hour to eat supper. (I might struggle a bit with this one, still learning to enjoy a question between every bite.)
Each little moment is a building block to my son’s life and I will forever be grateful for these moments.
My hope for each single parent out there is simple — celebrate the people around you, challenge yourself to be the best you can be, and enjoy the time you have together.
These are the years that fly by, the years we will look back on and want more.
The years we are helping raise the next generation to be the best people they can be.
I am grateful to be a mom, I am confident in being a single parent. Through this experience my son will know we are stronger than we know and capable of all things.
