“Oh, I could never do that!”
How many times have you caught yourself saying this phrase? Maybe it sounds something like one of these?
“Oh, I could never go back to working full-time!”
“Oh, I could never get up to work out at 5:00 a.m.!”
“I could never do those cool art projects with my kids!”
And I admit I’ve caught myself saying the “I could never” phrase a time or two myself.
When I was pregnant with my first child, a coworker asked if I planned to stay home or come back to work after baby was born. I believe my exact response was, “Oh, I could never be a stay-at-home mom!”
Mindset Matters
On the surface, this is a fairly innocent statement. In fact, I believe it’s often said as a way to compliment others on how amazing they are (shout-out to you, stay-at-home moms, for doing THE hardest job there is).
I certainly don’t think anyone considers this common phrase to be negative self-talk. But, in reality, that’s what it is. This “I could never” attitude may be one more thing that is slowly chipping away at our self-esteem, causing self-doubt, or leading to imposter syndrome.
After all, mindset is everything. So by saying “I could never,” you’ve removed all possibility for yourself.
I think there’s a better mindset we could adopt. A way to look at things that does not count us out. A view that acknowledges conscious choice rather than failure without even trying.
Actually, You Can
Here’s the thing, ladies: You CAN do “that,” whatever the thing is. We are awesome and we are capable. We grow, nurture, and shape other human beings for goodness sake. So, there is no question that we can do ALL of the things.
But — should we?
The question is not whether or not you could do something. You can. The question really needs to be, is that thing what’s best for you? Rather than dismissing it as something that can’t be done, consider instead why it’s not the right choice.
It’s like I tell people who compliment me on my running achievements by saying,“Oh, I could never run a marathon!” My response, “Actually, you could run a marathon.”
I am not saying it’s easy. You’d have to make sacrifices. There would be days you’d struggle with training. Also, it’s possible you’d have to hire a coach. Overall, you simply might not enjoy running enough to make it all worthwhile. And don’t even get me started on how much you’ll need to eat! Grocery inflation is already too real.
But, believe me, you could do it. I won’t hesitate to shut down that, “I could never.”
I’ll even put it back on myself with my own “I could never” that I shared earlier.
Yes, I could be a stay-at-home mom.
It would be really hard for me. Most days would be a struggle. I would miss the work I do outside of parenting. And I know it would not be the best situation for my children. I could do it — but it wouldn’t be the right choice for me. So, I choose not to.
A Subtle Shift
By viewing situations through a different lens, our mindset can change. We go from counting ourselves out, to reminding ourselves that we’re focused on where we need to be. And we’re doing enough.
