Divorce: Managing the Grief, Relief, & Awkwardness

Divorce is so awkward. 

That’s something that doesn’t get mentioned enough. It’s not in any of the literature about the emotions that occur during the dissolution of your marriage. 

There is an abundance of information about how you might feel: grief, disappointment, mistrust, betrayal and, oh gosh, how you will be totally unraveling from the sadness. 

And sometimes that is how divorce transpires. 

But that wasn’t my personal experience; I didn’t unravel from sadness.

I felt some grief for the loss of what could have been. And I felt concerned about what the effect on our children would be.

But mostly, I felt relief.

Because the inevitable thing I knew was going to happen eventually had finally occurred. It was no longer lingering in the background, ready to enter the chat during the next big argument.  

Then, there was the awkwardness.

As the news about what was happening made its way through our friends and acquaintances, I found that there were many people who reacted as if I was a delicate object, sure to crumble to pieces at any moment. 

It was hard for me to try to figure out how to drop news of the divorce in conversation with others. How do you do that? 

“What’s new with me? Well, ya know, just transitioning to the life of a divorcée.”

“Good morning! By the way, I’m not married anymore.”

Then there was this extra layer of anticipating their reactions that made it even more difficult. 

The reactions that I appreciated the most were those that came in the form of asking things such as, “Should I be sad about that with you, or is this something that you’re at peace with?” 

Don’t Make Assumptions

Those reactions were such a relief because there was no assumption that my life was spiraling out of control. And I can understand that the general reception of divorce conjures in most people a feeling of sadness and like a loss is occurring. But keep in mind that divorce can be something that a person is experiencing as the first step in the direction that feels right for them.

They may have been looking down that road for months (or even years), so the actual act of pursuing the termination of their marriage could be something that they feel very much at peace with by that point.

To Those Going through Divorce

To my fellow divorcées out there, I see you and I’m there with you. I see your family and friends might be wondering if you are on the brink of an emotional breakdown. I see you taking the first deep breath that you have taken in a very long time. 

I’m feeling more like myself than I have in years, and I hope that you are feeling that way too.

I hope that you know that it is okay to be feeling the lightness in your step, the contentedness of being single again and the hope for your future that you might be experiencing right now. 

Your worth as a woman does not and never has had anything to do with that ring that used to be on your left hand. Your kids will see that, and they will know that for themselves too.

They will know that their mom once felt that things had changed for her. She then courageously chose her own happiness, and she knew that being a happy mom was essential to being the best mom that she could be. 

It will be awkward; I can promise you that. But you’ll come out on the other side stronger, and better, for it.