‘Remember when I bawled my eyes out when we found out we were having a boy?’
I giggled with my friends — recently thinking back to the day we found out we would welcome our sweet son, who is now earth side, into our family.
While I felt initial excitement and surprise watching my husband and daughter’s reaction to the news, I couldn’t help feeling a bit of disappointment.
Let me explain.
Gender Disappointment
Gut feelings
Right before this pregnancy, we lost our baby to miscarriage. That process made us even more grateful for our current pregnancy and truly, all we wanted was a healthy baby to hold in our arms.
But if it was up to me, I really did want another girl. For a few reasons.
I grew up with a brother, and while I love him dearly, I’ve always thought it would have been awesome to have a sister. My mom has seven sisters and to date, I love watching them interact and the special relationships they have with each other. I so badly wanted to give that gift to my daughter.
Plus, we were girl parents. We had figured out (as much as you can figure out) raising our spicy little lady. My husband and I both had such a special relationship with our daughter, in our own ways. A girl just felt right, for lack of better words.
And physically, my entire pregnancy was so similar to my first with our daughter. This further convinced me, we’d welcome another little girl into our family.
The Reveal
As we neared our 20-week ultrasound, there was lots of excitement around our household! And a little anxiousness on my end.
It was the first time our daughter got to see her sibling wiggling around in my tummy on the screen. And we were halfway there with our healthy baby.
It felt real.
That evening we had planned to let our daughter open a colored onesie to reveal the surprise. And it about killed me to have to wait all day after our appointment to find out.
As my daughter ever so slowly unwrapped the tissue paper, hints of blue starting appearing before she yanked out a bright blue set of jammies. She shrieked and my husband yelled, ‘Yes!’ with a fist pump.
I smiled and laughed, enjoying the lively reactions from my family members, but I was shocked!
After the high of surprise came down, the emotions came out. I couldn’t help but cry. And at the time I felt so damn ridiculous. Stupid, even.
How on earth could I be upset with a healthy baby boy? Especially after all we’d been through. But I tried to be gentle with myself and let the emotions run their course, knowing I had to let them out.
Gender Disappointment: Give It A Little Time
The next morning, I woke up in a completely different headspace. Although I still felt embarrassed for my reaction, I was excited!!
And there was an overwhelming sense of peace, knowing what was meant to be, was going to be.
Since the very second our son was born, he’s been the perfect piece to our family’s puzzle.
If you’re experiencing gender disappointment, be honest with yourself, feel all the feels and just know, it doesn’t last long.
