If you have a teenager at home, you know how important this time of development is for children. They are learning independence, navigating new social situations, and forming their own personal identity.
For teens in foster care, they need just as much care, support, and love as their peers. As of April 1, 2025, there are 1,155 children in ND foster care, and 254 are teenagers between the age of 13 and 17. North Dakota has an additional 50 youth ages 18+ who are voluntarily continuing in foster care until they reach the age of 21.
To find out a little more about what it’s like to foster a teen in your home, we went right to the source! We asked Dan & Chelsey, who have been fostering since 2022.
Advice on Fostering a Teen
What benefits have you found to fostering teens?
We have been overwhelmed with the impact each teenager has made in our family. The support and love that is shared in our home makes a lasting impression for our family in such a positive way. Having teenage children in foster care has created lifelong bonds, and many have stayed in touch well into adulthood. Some even come back “home” for holidays and celebrations.
Teenagers are also much more independent than younger kids, and are able to participate in a lot more community events and activities. We are able to provide them with stability and support, life skill development, emotional growth, and help to create a meaningful, lifelong connection in their life.
What has been the impact on you and your family?
Fostering teens has had a profound impact on our biological children. They develop a sense of empathy, patience, and understanding of different life experiences. Our family has also created very strong bonds to better support the teens in our home, giving us all a sense of purpose and connection.
Our children have learned to become “includers” and have exposure to cultural differences and diverse family dynamics.They learn how to have very open conversations, knowing there is always a solution to every problem. And, they have learned to set clear boundaries with family members, peers, and friends.
We initially had a fear of our children viewing foster care as a competition for attention. But, after fostering many teens, we have found that our kids are some of their biggest supporters. They are proud of their accomplishments and want to support them.
What impact do you see for the teens you care for?
The most obvious impact is that we are able to provide stability and security, even if only for a short time. Our goal is that every child in our home feels safe and encouraged to create healthy relationships. Everyone participates in meals, cleaning, communication, and has a say in how we should proceed with group decisions.
Often when a child enters our home for the first time, there are fears of rejection, lack of trust, emotional trauma, and uncertainty about the future. Dan and I make every effort to be patient and understand, openly communicate, give guidance when the child expresses struggles, and advocate for their needs.
When former children (now adults) visit, they remind us that we made a difference because we were the one (or two) adults that genuinely cared and advocated for them. They still call, text, and visit with questions or just for an ear to listen.
What supports are available for those that foster teens?
We have found amazing people in our community to help support teens placed in our home, including trusted coaches, teachers, and therapists. Also, we have friends and family that have made a special connection with a child’s interest. We have been so fortunate to have case workers and independent living specialists to help support the teens as they enter into adulthood. We have also had incredible success with the Excellerate Youth program.
What struggles have you found in fostering teens?
A huge struggle is gaining their trust. Many teens have come from very diverse situations and push people away as a defense mechanism. It takes time, patience, humor, and consistent effort.
Another challenge is the teenager’s emotional status. They may struggle with anger, anxiety, depression, or PTSD from past experiences. This should not deter a family from becoming a foster care provider, but rather encourage them to advocate for getting the child help and support from professionals.
Another struggle has been the teenagers’ fear of the future and not having a plan that is similar to their peers. We talk openly and help set up support services to better discuss options and the teen’s interests.
How do you communicate with the teens’ biological families?
We didn’t begin foster care with the idea of “keeping” a child. Our goal is to always provide connection and healthy avenues to support the teen’s biological family.
We encourage the teens (when it’s safe) to maintain connection with their family. This helps identify their roots and develop their own version of themselves. When we can create a positive relationship with the family of the child, it reduces the child’s feeling of abandonment and ill feelings towards adults, and therefore reduces trauma on the child.
Our goal is always for reunification, unless it is not safe for the child. By having a positive relationship, the teenager feels we can be trusted and they can come to us when things are not safe. Open and honest communication with the children and their biological families helps all parties involved and creates a better environment for the child.
What have been some of your ah-ha moments?
There are many!
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- Love and trust take time and consistent action.
- Behavior is a form of communication (at all ages, not just teens).
- Fostering impacts you as much as it impacts the child.
- Small wins can really be big wins.
- Reunification can be wonderful and heartbreaking.
- You don’t have to be perfect – just be present.
- Teens and young adults need love too!
What do you think everyone should know about fostering teens?
All children want and deserve people that care about them. Teens seek a sense of belonging. While they may not tell you openly, they crave a sense of security, stability, love, and acceptance. Don’t fear the idea of caring for teenagers. Teens in foster care don’t expect perfection, just someone who won’t give up on them. They need you to show up, listen, and be a stable, steady presence in their lives.
What is one piece of advice that you would give someone who is starting their foster care journey?
Start small with respite care, take classes related to children with trauma and how to manage various behaviors, make connections with other foster care families to create support, and have an open and accepting mindset. You will make a bigger difference than you can imagine, but it all takes time. Again, you don’t have to be perfect, just present, safe, and supportive!
Interested in becoming a foster parent?
Visit www.hhs.nd.gov/cfs/fostercare to find more information on the licensure process, qualifications, training, and more.
