Trigger Warning: This blog post discusses topics related to suicide, which may be distressing for some readers. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out for support. You can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or visit 988lifeline.org for more resources. Remember, you do not have to face this alone—help is available.
The past year has been my most challenging.
It all started with cracks in my marriage that led to mistakes, a messy separation, and then a friendly divorce.
Between kids being exchanged, not spending my life with the man I saw myself growing old with, and having to start over, I fell into a deep depression.
Emotional Health: Hitting Rock Bottom
One weekend, our anniversary weekend, I was alone at home as my kids were with their dad.
Weekends without my kids reminded me of my failures and loss, and the significance of that weekend drove me to the edge. I missed them and the life we had before. By then, I had suicidal ideations and felt like the world would be better without me.
Without telling anyone about my struggles, I decided that morning that I should end it all.
But someone came, got me, and took me to the hospital. I had hit rock bottom and thought I would not make it out alive, but by the grace of God, I did.
My ex moved back in with the kids to help out, which should have been everything I hoped for, but I spiraled deeper. We tried seeing a marriage counselor, but I was shunned for attempting to take my life.
Somehow, in the midst of all of that, the scales fell off my eyes. I saw that happiness did not come from grappling for what I had lost, but from healing and growing at rock bottom.
The Path to Healing
I took steps to love myself, own up to my mistakes, work through my traumas, and let go of expectations.
It was hard.
There were moments when I almost gave up because I felt so alone. Especially after losing some friends who found my situation too hard to deal with.
Thankfully, this also revealed who my true friends were. They spent the weekends with me, sent gifts, called constantly, and checked in so regularly that I got annoyed. It’s silly to think of how annoyed I was now.
If you have a friend going through a tough time, be the annoying one and call like your life depends on it. Because theirs just might.
Seeking Help
Slowly, I started picking up the pieces.
I was lucky to find my counselor; she walked me through everything without judgment, even when I faltered.
We discussed neurological pathways and how to carve new ones and move away from my default of self-loathing and self-sabotage.
I was honest with her about every emotional struggle I had.
She introduced a form of trauma recovery called Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART). I found myself moving past emotions I had kept locked away for years, recent events that caused bitterness, and uncovered events that had set up my default thought process of feeling unworthy.
I went from seeing her twice a week for an hour each session to once a week, and now I see my lovely counselor once a week for a quick half-hour check-in.
Counseling for Emotional Health
Counseling has a negative stigma, as people assume something is wrong with them and that’s why they need help.
But don’t we live in an imperfect world with other imperfect people?
Don’t we all need tools to navigate the curve balls life throws at us?
Everyone needs counseling, even when they’re thriving. Counseling isn’t a rock-bottom tool to get back on our feet. It’s a lifestyle that provides the tools we need to grow and be healthy. It’s a vitamin for those who are healthy and an aid for when we’re not.
Today, I am healthier for my kids, my new partner, my co-parent, my family, my friends, and my future relationships.
I am constantly growing in my interactions with my thoughts and other people. At the end of the day, nothing impedes us from reaching happiness; we are only impeded by ourselves.
There is always room for growth, and growth is a good thing.
