It was a normal afternoon at daycare pick-up.
I grabbed my son from the infant room and then walked down the hall to pick up my four-year-old daughter. She was already waiting for me with her coat on, excited to get her art projects from her blue folder.
After saying goodbye to her friends and checking in with her teacher, we walked back down the hall to the cubby area.
The Incident
As I was loading him up, chatting back and forth with his ‘baby banter,’ I heard my daughter say very loudly, “Ew, she has stinky feet.”
Too late to hush my daughter, I whipped my head around and saw a young girl and her mom walking down the hallway. The daughter was barefoot, her mom was carrying two Walmart bags which were clearly filled with dirty clothes. I was familiar, having clothes sent home with our son and previously, in years past our daughter.
While I don’t think the young girl realized what had happened, it was her mother’s face that I won’t forget. Looking defeated, she raised the Walmart bags and muttered, “Well it’s better than wearing these dirty clothes and shoes.”
The Apology
In the chaos of the hallway, I did my best to apologize first. I wasn’t met with warmth and at the time, I understood why.
Next, I focused my attention on my daughter, trying to explain to her why it wasn’t kind to speak about someone’s body, especially calling her stinky. We chatted briefly about how she would feel if someone had said that to her. And touched on how sometimes we have accidents or get messy at school.
While we don’t necessarily force our daughter to apologize to others when she’s done something wrong, I felt this was different and I asked her to come apologize to the mom with me. Reluctantly, and with some convincing, she said sure.
Back down the hall to apologize once more. And again, another awkward conversation.
The Emotions
Walking out to the car, I felt lots of emotions.
I felt embarrassed by my daughter’s actions, questioning how we could have avoided this situation.
I felt frustrated knowing she knew better, yet truly didn’t understand how hurtful her words were.
And I related to what I sensed as defeat from the other mom.
Most of all, I had an overwhelming, icky feeling, knowing this wouldn’t be the last time my daughter hurt someone else’s feelings.
I just couldn’t shake that out of my mind, and my heart.
And to be honest, I’m not sure why.
It’s simply a fact of life, that we as humans, will hurt each other. But witnessing this interaction firsthand — my sweet little girl hurting someone she didn’t even know — brought some serious emotion.
After reflection, I realized there’s nothing I can do to take back those words that quickly escaped my daughter’s mouth.
But, I do have control in guiding her through her mistakes. I can help her understand right from wrong and teach her to treat everyone with kindness.
And maybe, just maybe, God used this very situation as a powerful reminder for just that.
