I’m passionate about many things and so I’ve had the opportunity to wear many hats over the years. As time passed, I found I had collected a closet full of hats, each one specific for the role I was in at that time.
My life was segmented into neat, organized buckets, with a hat for each piece that made up the whole of me.
A Hat for Each Role
I would wake up, put on my “fitness hat” and head to the gym.
Then, I would tackle my work day, donning my “attorney hat” on the way to the office.
Some days I opted to meet a friend for lunch, swapping for my “friend hat” at the restaurant.
On the cruise to daycare pickup, I turned to my “mom hat.”
After the kids were in bed, I tiredly put on my “wife hat” to spend some quality time with my husband.
This worked well for a short while… until it didn’t.
It became increasingly tiring to keep track of all the hats for my different roles. And there were instances where I was required to change hats at a moments notice.
Like when I received a work call after hours (okay, where did I leave my “attorney hat?” — I better find that quick and hide in my closet to deal with this issue).
Or the occasions where I got a call that a sick kiddo needed to be picked up (rushing to collect them while thinking about rescheduling meetings, childcare for the coming days, and what we were going to have for dinner in between other commitments). Wondering, which hat am I wearing now?!
This became exhausting and unsustainable.
As I sorted through my hats, I wondered which ones I would have to let go of to continue to do this dance. For example, the “volleyball player hat” brings me so much joy, but is it out of style? Can I put the “community involvement hat” on consignment for a while?
I started to ponder why I thought of all of these hats as mutually exclusive. Who made the rule that only one hat can be worn at a time? And shouldn’t I be the one to determine which rules I apply to my life?
This was a game-changing moment for me. And I started talking to other people in similar situations.
I found that others also felt the need to wear a single hat — a pull to be fully present or immersed in only one role at a time. They would also do their best to avoid allowing the other pieces of them to seep into the role they had chosen to embrace at any given moment.
They, too, felt overwhelmed and exhausted with the constant changing of hats and questioned the rationale.
So, I began to change the narrative.
Integrating the Hats
I answered an after-hours work call with my kids playing loudly in the background, an apology on the tip of my tongue but intentionally left unsaid.
Mid-morning, I took a break at the office to Facetime with a sick baby.
I attended a board meeting virtually at the start of a family road trip.
Then, I worked out while my older kids created a dance routine in our home gym.
While at a volunteer opportunity, I excused myself for a few moments to take an important work call.
I taught myself to drop the singular balancing act and focus instead on the blend. Envisioning this hat as a mix of something worn in a Dr. Seuss tale, one I would wear if I attended the Kentucky derby, and a fascinator.
Yes, at times it may look silly, but I choose to embrace the vulnerability that comes with an intentional integration of the various roles in my life. This has allowed space for all the things I love to mold together in a beautiful chaos. It is not always easy to maintain this mindset, but it feels much more authentic.
I am one person, fulfilling many roles, comprised of many different hats. And I’m grateful for the opportunity to wear each of them, in a magical blend all my own.
Looking for more on work-life balance as a mom? Check out Tips for Managing a Busy Household from a Working Mom of 4.
